I was gonna start a new journal. In fact, have tried several times but never managed much beyond a howdy post. Do I have things to write about? Probably. Will I write about them? That's still up in the air. But once upon a time I had a few friends...a few i still see listed on my friends list here. Whether or not some of them still use live journal...I don't know. But if I'm gonna ramble on about this and that and the other thing, I guess I want to take a chance on at least someone who might be interested having the opportunity to see it rather than just hope some random strangers happen across my words and find them mildly interesting.
The past couple years have been....lifeless. Funny how depression can sneak up on you. Oh, sure, you kinda notice it sliding up beside you but you just shrug your shoulders and ignore it. The method always worked on the kids and co-workers who liked to hang out at the edge of the group..pretending to fit in when they didn't. Eventually they went off to find another group. And, if you're really good at only seeing what you want to see, I'm sure depression seems to do the same thing...slips away to darken someone else's door.
It doesn't. It's much more devious then that.
In fact, it doesn't go anywhere at all. And neither do you. You might think you're getting somewhere but you're not. Instead you're enveloped in a invisible cloud and over time dragged down into a pit of darkness where depression has its wicked way with you many many times over. Life goes on pretty much normally until one day you get a glimpse of a light far away and wonder what the hell is that?
You move a little closer and a few things around you start to look a tad different with the light starting to reflect off them. Why is that sitting there in the middle of the floor? What is all this dust? Why doesn't anyone clean...oh, wait...anyone well...that would be you, wouldn't it? Unfortunately realizing the mess one has found themselves in when depressed is only a tiny tiny step in trying to get out of the darkness. But, my fingers are gripping tight to the edge of the pit and i've been working hard on pulling the rest of me out these last couple of months and no matter how much is going on in my life at the moment, i plan on continuing the good fight.
The alternative really isn't worth mentioning, now is it?
So....here's to 2011...a year for enlightenment.
It's a new year. That's about the only thing definite in my life at the moment. At some point this year there will be a new living space for me. I'm hoping when that comes to pass I'll be able to work on...well..a new me. Will there be new writing? One can hope when the stress of the last couple years starts to lessen that there will indeed be words put to the page. But there's no guarantee. There never is in life, is there?